by Jamie Westmoreland
When I was at Farm Home, they taught a set of skills called Dialectical Behavioral Therapy (DBT). There are several skills in this type of therapy. Some can help you and some can’t. Different people find different skills useful.
There are a few skills they teach more than others. You use some of these skills in everyday life and don’t realize it.
First of all, you may not even know what these “skills” are, or how they're used. There are several different sets of therapy methods or skills, these ones focus specifically on redirecting your mind to either make a good choice, calm down to think clearly, and to help you feel better. All of the DBT skills are meant to help you co-op with your negative emotions, thoughts, or actions. Learning new skills is like training a dog to sit, it takes patience and practice, and sometimes treats before your dog can sit on command. In this case you are training your mind to be able to use these skills on command even when you get angry. It’s very important that you practice a skill that will be useful to you. If you try to practice a skill that is not for you, it will more than likely provoke you to become angrier than you were before. There are so many skills to choose from, everybody can find at least one that is helpful to them. The first time I went to a DBT group they gave me a little book that had a lot of the skills they taught. They also gave me some laminated cards that had all the skills the book had.
Secondly, like I’ve said before there are several skills. In the groups I went to they focused specifically on three main skills. The number one skill they taught was “Deep Breathing” or as the teacher called it “DB.” You may be thinking of just taking deep breaths and counting backwards from one hundred. That is one form of deep breathing, however there are more than just one. One of my favorites is square breathing. Square breathing is an exercise that is meant to distract you, and calm you down. The best way to square breathe is to use your finger to draw an imaginary square to help you keep track while you follow these steps: Start at the top of your square, then take four seconds to breathe in, during those four seconds move your finger to the next point of your imaginary square, next hold the air in for four seconds, do not move to the next point, finally take four seconds to release the air. You will have to do this process twice to complete one square, you will want to complete the square four times. This skill will calm you down because it can relax you and feed more oxygen to your brain which is proven to help you think clearly. This skill distracts you because you will have to focus on your imaginary square instead of what is upsetting you. I have used this skill many times and it is successful most of the time.
Another skill that is very useful is called “Pros and Cons.” You probably use this skill everyday with even realizing it. For example when you are at the market looking for a good apple to eat, you want to pick the best one right? But what is there are two good choices but each one has something you like about it and something you don’t, so if you were to use this skill in this situation you would think about what you like between the two, this is the “Pros” side of this skill, then you might find what you don’t like between the two, this is the “Cons” side the skill. Then all you have to do is decide which one you want. This skill is used to make rational choices in a situation. This skill could be used to decide something as simple as deciding between two apples, or something as big as deciding whether you should run away from home or just stay where you're at. I have realized myself a few times using this skill,but I have probably used it more than I think. Once you learn about this skill you will start to recognize when you are using it.
There are many more skill in this set of therapy, these are the ones I found more effective, other skills may work better for different people. If you're somewhat like me you will claim that none of the skills in DBT work until someone points out that you did use one. DBT has helped many people, These skills were set for a certain type of therapy. Most of the time it’s used for people who have been through trauma in their early life. Some skills won't be as effective as others, this is one of those things you have to test out, see if it works, and if it doesn’t try a different skill.
